The Illusion Of Greener Grass

How to free your mind from obsessing about what you don't have and allow it to see the abundance that fills your life - right now and always.

Are you ready to discover a strange quirk about yourself?

I want to share a strange little thing most of us seem to do that can destroy our happiness in a split second. We don't do this all of the time but, I invite you to have a look at your life and see when and how this is happening with you - and what effect it is having on your choices for your life.

If you can catch this bizarre tendency in the instance it is happening at opportune moments, you will not only be a thousand times richer, you will also experience increased grace, peace, and love. If you don't change this prickly little habit, you may continue to waste millions of precious thoughts and hours trapped in a strange state of confused torment - and, like most people, wonder what's happening to you.

Here's the thing to watch for...

Have you ever found yourself having a great day; taking stock and being happy with your lot in life? Then...like a bolt of lightning out of a clear blue sky a curiously dramatic shift occurs. All of a sudden your awareness is jolted into noticing someone else has something you want more.

Do you recognize those moments?

They are the milestones where you immediately feel something is missing from your life and in an instant you forget what you do have and become fixated on what you see as missing. Alas, your happy-ness feelings come to an abrupt end and you can't see your lot any more. No longer able to be present with what you have right now, you forget what you were enjoying and instead feel a craving in your solar plexus. Your mind, your body, your heart are now reacting to a state of lack - and lack hurts.

The trigger could be:

a chance meeting of another person that you'd rather spend time with more than your current partnera restaurant moment when the meal someone else ordered looks tastier than what the server brought youwhen you're driving down the highway in your sporty convertible with the top down only to see a sportier one or newer model in the next lanewhen your buddy's computer game is way more fun with a better graphics card and faster processora time when you are walking down the street feeling flirty in your new dress only to see someone else getting attention in a more stylish dressThe problem is you've noticed something that catches your attention in a way that makes it appear better than what you have. And, in some small or big way it makes an impact on you - you are now in a state of wanting. It's the point we see someone else in the position of 'having' or 'experiencing' something at the exact moment we aren't is when we begin the obsession process. We just can't leave it alone or get it out of our mind.

A personal story that changed my life

Some years ago I was in an informal on-and-off relationship with a girl for about seven years. During this time we became close and bonded to some degree, but in the end we went our separate ways. She and I both had the same feeling that our connection was not serving either of us and it was better that we stop seeing each other in this manner. It was not only a sad decision, but the discussion about the decision, the time leading up to the discussion and the ensuing feelings really hurt my heart. At the same time I knew that it was not the end of the world and life would go on - and so it did - so I thought.

One day, however, something happened that felt like it truly was the end of the world and my whole life had fallen apart.

After our mutually agreed relationship finale I set off to India for a bit of me time. Upon my return I found my new ex-girlfriend had started hanging out with my roommate. After some time I noticed their sense of fondness for each other and the clue hit me they had something wonderful going on. Then, something else hit me.

Now, this is the point of knowledge that totally destroyed my life for many months that followed. I was not able to eat any food or attempt any work, because I felt these sick twisting knots in the pit of my stomach most of the time. I became suspicious to the point of wanting to know what they were doing and saying whereby I found myself listening in on conversations - I totally lost my sense of myself. It was so painful and crippling few words can even begin to describe it.

During the peak of this emotional bender I found myself lying down in the park with my arms spread out wanting and waiting to die so the pain would stop - death seemed the only solution for my predicament. I was shocked, humbled and amazed at the power of the sensations brought on by this situation had on me. Boy oh boy...I knew something seriously needed to be addressed and changed - but quick.

Was I being a hypocrite?

By this point in my professional journey I had been a meditation teacher for many years. Strangest of all, here I was teaching classrooms of people in the knowledge of non-attachment and soul conscious relationships of freedom. Then, after class was over and just as soon as I was alone, I completely fell to pieces because of what I saw OTHER PEOPLE doing - they were getting it and somehow I'd lost it - I wanted it back.

Further adding to my grief was that I couldn't see my life or any of the blessings in it at all; I could only see what wasn't happening in it and to me. I could logically rationalize that my life was great, but the obsession toward what wasn't great was stronger. By being obsessed with what was not happening I somehow allowed dark emotion and jealousy to control my faculties. I became blind and needy. I lost my life.

Just before my ex-girlfriend and roommate started hanging out I was very happy and content with things and aware of the blessings around me. But...as fast as a slap in the face showed me what was happening between them I felt I was missing something - I felt I had lost something.

Had I actually lost anything?

No! Nothing had changed except my attention had been drawn away from my own blessings and toward a tunnel vision of what I felt someone else was getting - in the process I was unable to see what I had anymore. It felt as though I had lost everything - even though I had lost nothing.

Isn't that part of life fascinating?

Fortunately, that experience propelled me to move half way around the world to Hawaii, where I feel I am truly at home at last. In that respect the pain turned out to be extremely beneficial - like a sign that I was ready for my change. One thing I won't forget now and added to my curriculum is: Even when things seem tough, there is always a hidden blessing somewhere if you open your mind to it and look out for it.

So, despite all of the pain in those many tormented moments, I learned two big lessons on that day lying in the park awaiting death to rescue me.

It's very easy to react out of character in strange new situations that seem to cause a person to go blind from the truth and mad from the frustration of losing sight of that truth.It's extremely important to focus our energy on the HAVE that we are living - and not project fantasies about the HAVES that other people are living. The reality of which if left unchecked will ultimately destroy our very life and livelihood.Reality Check

Let's face it....the truth I mean.

Each of us is an individual and no two people will EVER have the same relationships with anyone else as you or I. That is what makes life so perfect and wonderful. Each situation, each relationship is unique and it's a good thing to realize that we can't possibly have what someone else has or is - because, what IS for one IS for that one.

Now to take it up a notch to a higher level of thinking, we CAN definitely have what we do have - and it is extremely important to realize this. If we don't realize this all-powerful fact, we will lose what we CAN HAVE purely through our own lack of understanding, our own ignorance - no bliss here.

Put it this way. If you want to have a 'special' relationship with someone based on what you think his or her relationship is with another person, you are setting yourself up for a serious emotional letdown. Your body will be host to a soul-sickening craving, because it is simply not possible to be that someone else or live another person's feelings.

Check the reality! Each relationship is in a word 'unique'. When we start to want what we can't have, we somehow start to loosen our grip on our own reality and can't see the truth in our own lives any more. We may even go so far as to imagine what it would be like to live as someone else and have their things. However, it is impossible to be anyone else in any way - that kind of thinking can tear us up inside - but, only if we let it.

How ridiculous is it?

Imagine this: If the only thing you think will make you happy is turn into a cat and fly to Mars - you will live a sad and discontented life. Then imagine spending the rest of your life always being unhappy about it. Pretty ridiculous thinking isn't it?

Why do we obsess about things we can never have? Isn't that a weird waste of time?

However, if we focus on making each relationship we actually do have with whomever we meet as wonderful and magical as we can and not look at what we think others have, we will be happy with our lot again. We can make things wonderful when we realize what we do have - and our happiness will keep growing stronger.

We will see how rich our own life is and realize it's in our hands and within our power to make our lives even more wonderful and lovely. We are in control, we are blessed, and we are the lucky ones - but, just for ourselves.

Where does the gratitude and satisfaction begin?

The first relationship we have is always with ourselves - in the way that we love and know ourselves. So, to find that information out, you can answer questions of yourself in whatever way is the most comfortable for you.

Do I/you love my/your self?Do I/you appreciate my/your own company?Do I/you know my/your self deeply?Do I/you feel complete with my/your self?Regardless of all the speculation about what we think other people have got, one thing is for sure - no one will ever know you as you know yourself. Only you can have the most intimate and satisfying relationship with YOU.

YOU are the most important person in your life and the greatest and deepest satisfaction you will ever experience is within you right now. 'Know thyself and to thyself be true'

What happens when you are feeling jealousy in the face of someone else's success, their new job, or their new house?

Does it make you feel good?Does it help you attract more success in your own life? orDoes it ruin your gratitude and ability to focus along with your ability to attract what you actually want?Are we going insane?

We seem to play this game of wanting what we can't have in so many ways - it's shocking to see ourselves in this light. We might feel like we're on the brink of insanity.

Before we go too far into this 'want' trip, we need to find that place within where we are happy and grateful for all of life's abundance. The more we focus our attention on what we do have the more wonderful moments we will have - our lives will instantly become richer.

Just say to yourself "Whatever anyone else is doing with anyone else is not my business. Period. I need not become obsessed with it. I am content, I am empowered, and I am complete". There...that'll work.

If you start spinning out about what you don't have, then you make it a problem and you can't see the blessings in your own life. The madness has taken over simply because we are trying to do the impossible - we are trying to experience another person's blessings. We can go from kings and queens to total beggars, literally in a split second when we start looking at what we can't have - with just the flip of a mental switch.

On the other hand, when we let other people's lives be what they are, relax in knowing the "I am valuable" statement as truth and pay attention to all the grace in our lives, we feel safe and secure. We can observe their success and allow it to inspire us rather than destroy us - which, is how we should be seeing it.

We can never lose what we don't have

Let us remember all experiences are subjective. No matter what we think it may be like to be with someone else or live in a different place, none of that has any real significance - it's individual. This is because your experience will always be different from someone else's - even in the same situation.

Look at it this way. No two people really see the same sunset; no two people taste the same wine. We all see the color 'green' but we don't think about the fact that it's not the same shade of 'green' each of us are seeing. Oddly, some see 'red' and not 'green' at all - so, now you can imagine the vast range of 'green' that can be seen by every person on the planet.

Things are not what we sometimes like to let ourselves think.

Here's something for those who fantasize about being a multi-millionaire, because they think they want it. Apparently, many of the richest people in the world are on Prozac. Haven't you noticed how miserable, unhealthy and unhappy many of them are? You'd think with all of that money they could buy all the best therapy in the world, but they don't - their minds aren't there - just the money. Wouldn't you rather have your mind to be happy first - then rich only if you could still be happy?

Let's get real.

What is your experience?

What are you grateful for?What irrational thoughts could you LET GO of and live free from?Are you spinning your wheels about something you can't have?How much are you noticing your personal blessings and increasing them?The answer to any one of these simple questions is what makes the constant choices that subsequently make the difference between a beautifully rich life and a life being swallowed up by disappointment and envy. What do you want? What is your choice?

You are so rich right now. So, go ahead. Ask and answer yourself the most powerful question: "What am I grateful for today?"

Let us remain free and happy from today. Let everyone else enjoy themselves - and you just focus on having your own best day ever - every day.

by Michael Mackintosh, founder of Living in Magic. He is a spiritual teacher who lives on the Island of Kauai, Hawaii.

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